I've been talking to some people from work over the last few days. Is it bad to say that sometimes I miss it? Not that I want to go back- but I truly loved the people I work with- and I miss them. Despite the fact that Matt is home and I do have adult interaction, I miss having something to talk about other than the baby. I actually miss the work to. It took awhile, but I found a job I was good at that I truly liked. I wish part time was an option. Part time would be perfect for me I think. I could spend most of my time with the baby, we would have minimal daycare costs, and I would have some time to be a grown up.

But my job doesn't offer that unless I want to go back to retail... which is always an option, but not one I'm keen on taking advantage of. It would mean nights and weekends almost exclusively, and that's not what I'm looking for. It would also mean working basically every holiday- and that's DEFINITELY not kosher.

Going back to school is an option... I've been looking into taking classes to become a sign language interpreter. But that means more money going out instead of money coming in, and once I have the intro classes done, it would mean M-F 8-5 for 2 years... with a long commute since there are no programs close by.

So basically, I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't want to give up my seniority and such with my current job to go somewhere else- but I doubt that I'll really be able to find something in line with what I want.

Seriously, this has to be about the most boring post ever... definitely more of a purging of what's on my mind than a trying to actually be entertaining. Sorry about that...but I needed it.

Cabana Boys & Pina Coladas

Apparently we forgot to hire the cabana boys before I stopped working. Oops! But luckily, the hubby's second job is for a liquor store, so the Pina Coladas aren't a problem.

I have to say, this morning has been just about exactly what I expected it to be. Brody woke up at 6:30, so I replugged him and checked my mail. By 7, he was up for good. So he played in his swing while I threw in some laundry, we got him some breakfast, cleaned him up, played with Daddy for a few minutes, and then I put him down for a nap. The only shocking thing is that he is actually sleeping in his crib... with very little effort! Yippie! =)

The rest of the day will be LOTS of laundry (to give you an idea, I have not a single clean dish towel, no clean underwear, no clean jeans, Brody had no washcloths, bibs, or blankets clean... yeah, the mountain of dirty cloths is quite scary!)

(Are you bored yet? I am...)

So this stay at home thing, in the everyday mundane- is exactly what I expected. What I wasn't prepared for was the emotional side of it. I am scared out of my mind. I have no doubt that I will be able to fill my days. My worry is that I will waste my days. I know that playing with Brody, seeing his smile, hearing his laugh, they will fill me with joy. But how do I make sure that I am stimulating myself, and him at the same time? Is my analytical brain capable of being fulfilled with days filled with jumparoos and silly songs? I know my heart needs it- but what about my brain? Yes- I'm scared, and yes, I'm a little afraid to admit it in public, but I honestly don't think I'm experiencing anything different from most moms. Right? I hope so....